When it isn’t busy filling my TV with stereotypes or describing women as “the prey,” Heineken can actually make some pretty good commercials. Even those examples—flawed in concept as they may be—are put together well.
Now it appears Heineken is going into attack mode, belittling its competition in both its television and print ads.
TV:
Print:
Although it seems that Budweiser was left out of the equation, the ads take their shots at both Coors and Miller for their apparently gimmicky cans and bottles.
The talk of the mouth not being wider and the can’s non-having of any newfangled means for deciphering the coldness of the beer are directed at Coors’ tin and glass. Meanwhile, the description of a “sci-fi neck for enhanced beveragification” is an attempt to lay the verbal smackdown on Miller for the design of its vials.
On all counts, Heineken has a point.
None of these things are at all necessary, and none of them actually add anything to the respective beers. The wide mouth really doesn’t do anything besides help you get drunk faster, which is pretty funny considering every beer commercial contains the phrase “Please drink responsibly” somewhere in it. There seems to be a contradiction there.
I’ve never really understood the point of Coors’ cold-activated nonsense, either. Usually when a liquid has been sitting in the refrigerator for a while it gets cold. If you take it out and it’s not chilled to your liking, put it back in there for a little while. Or just stick it in the freezer for 10-15 minutes and you should be fine.
The vortex bottle commercials always make me laugh, more due to the fact that they always feature Miller Lite being poured into a glass. I always wonder who exactly is keeping chilled glasses for the nectar of the gods that is Miller Lite. They don’t pour that stuff into a glass at bars and the only time it is consumed in that manner seems to be when people are playing beer pong.
As with all the other features beer companies include in their containers, it is completely unnecessary and serves as little more than window dressing. It’s really just a way to try to sell more product because having a swirly neck or mountains that turn blue can be presented as something unique for that particular beer. The other companies don’t have it, therefore you should buy it.
What Heineken is really getting at here is this: The people over there aren’t going to insult your intelligence. A can of beer is a can of beer. You shouldn’t fall for these little tricks the other companies are throwing out there. You’re smarter than that and you’re better than that.
The aim is to point out that Heineken’s beer is good enough to stand on its own. It doesn’t need to include ridiculous add-ons like an area you can scribble on. It’s fine as it is. And you can tell by the incredulous tone of the narrator that the company believes these “innovations” to be absurd.
Unless you are a fool, you should be able to see through these contraptions as well and purchase a brew that is “All Perfection. No Gimmick.”
Or you can continue to “Man Up” and keep drinking Miller Lite, which I’m sure you’re not gulping down from a glass.